What it's leaving me with, though, is a profound sense of unfairness. One that, as we speak, leaves me unable to even muster the desire for a wonderful girl that wants to offer me the world. Instead, I push her away. Do I want to fix it? Part of me is sure that it's in my best interests. Part of me knows I'll regret it. Every bit of me wishes she knew I was talking about her. So how do you do it? Rationally, there's a season for everything, and this obviously is no season for love. What happens if I push the envelope? I'm sure a disaster of lackluster proportions. Ever ended a relationship because no spark was there? It's sad, really.
So this leaves me with a very special problem this Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, it's my favorite season of the year. Much like the year before last, I am in no kind of committed relationship, and if the woman who recieves the most of my affection gets all I wish I could do for that special someone, well, it would be undeserved and a little overwhelming (in a good way, of course). So I need a better outlet. At least last time, I found some wise woman who knew how much I loved the holiday, and that I didn't love her. Easy enough to swallow. We played one round of Scrabble, a few dates, and one magical Valentine's Day where we pretended we had found the person we were searching for.
I've been on a few more dates with this woman, and I doubt she could understand. Maybe because it was so sudden. Maybe because the woman from the past was not very good at being romantic. Either way, I must find a way to celebrate all the romance of the coming holiday without causing trouble for myself or some innocent bystander :-\
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